Acts 2:14a, 22-32; John 20:19-31

The disciples were gathered in the upper room, with the door locked, when suddenly they heard…

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Jesus who?
How many Jesuses do you know?

There’s a tradition of celebrating the Sunday after Easter with jokes, to recognize that Jesus’ resurrection was like a great practical joke God played on the devil. It’s convenient that today is also Youth Sunday, so we’ll have the high school youth share some jokes with us this morning:

Q. How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Change?!?!

Q. How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Q. How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. At least 15. One to change the light bulb and three committees to approve the change

Q. How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. Candles only.

Q. How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, one to screw it in and one not to screw it in.

Q. How many Pentecostal does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Q. How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Q. How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

A golfer set up his first ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his three-wood, he took another mighty swing, the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead, and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming, and asked, “Are you a good golfer?”
The man smirked. “Got here in two, didn’t I?

“Dad, when can I have a car?”
“When you shave and get a haircut.”
“Well, Dad, I’ve been reading the Bible a lot lately, and I understand that Jesus didn’t cut his hair or shave his beard.”
“Yes, and he also walked everywhere he went.”

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, ‘I’m not going.’
‘Why not?’ she asked. I’ll give you two good reasons,’ he said. ‘(1), they don’t like me, and (2), I don’t like them.’
His mother replied, ‘I’ll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You’re 59 years old, and (2) you’re the pastor!’

Three churches in a local town pooled their efforts to sponsor a revival. After the revival, members from the three churches gathered to compare notes.
“Our church did very well in the revival,” the first noted. “We gained four new members!”
“We did even better,” said the second. “Our church gained six new members.”
“We were very pleased too,” said the third. “We lost our ten most troublesome members.”

Pastor was talking to the children and asked, “What’s small, furry, has small ears and has a bushy tail?”
The children were silent.
“Come on! What’s small, furry, has small ears, and has a bushy tail?”
More silence.
“Doesn’t anybody know?!”
A boy hesitantly raised his hand, “I know the answer is Jesus, but it sure sounds like a squirrel.”

Going over our church finances I found a receipt from a local paint store signed by someone named Christian. I wasn’t aware of anyone buying paint, so I called the store to point out its mistake.
“I’m sorry,” I told the manager, “but there are no Christians here at Hope Community Presbyterian Church.”

A pastor was talking to the church organist. “When I finish my sermon,” he said, “I’ll ask for all those in the congregation who want to contribute $400 toward the church’s mortgage to stand up. In the meantime, you can provide appropriate music.”
“Any suggestions?” the organist asked.
“You might try the Star-Spangled Banner,” the pastor replied.

The ship was sinking fast. The captain called out, “Anyone here know how to pray?” One man stepped forward: “I do captain.” “Good,” said the captain. “You pray. The rest of us will put on life preservers. We’re one short.”

These jokes were blatantly (and gratefully) stolen from all over the Internet.